at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
