I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
