Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
