so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
time to smoke my breakfast
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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