My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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