You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
