Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
