It's Friday. Sex?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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