I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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