I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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