at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
