so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
