Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
