It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize