You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
