is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
