Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
