I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
