We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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