you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
