I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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