Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
