she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
