i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
