She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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