my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
