She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my phone needs a breathalizer
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Randomize