I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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