just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
