Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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