1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I did not marry a roomba.
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