my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
