Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
