Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
