You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
