i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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