Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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