she was so not down for the gang bang
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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