I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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