Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
