I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
