She is in my trunk
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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