I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize