even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
