We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
