Redeem this text for a blowjob
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
