I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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