I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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