apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
