So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
