life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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