dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
