While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
