It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
