i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
