Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
