you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
