"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
