Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
