Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
