You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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