Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize