btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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