I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
