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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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