Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
