You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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