I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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