At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Is this like a preordered booty call?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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