so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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