apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
