but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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