you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
