it was like eating out sand paper
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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