I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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