Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
